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ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT When Elves Attack Tim Dorsey, New York Times bestselling mystery writer, discusses his work, website, weirdos & more Words by Marla E. Schwartz Tim Dorsey is one of the most inventive mystery writers of his generation. His work delights Floridians and engrosses tourists from all over the world. He spoke at Miami Book Fair International 2011 about his current novella, When Elves Attack: A Joyous Christmas Greeting from the Criminal Nutbars of the Sunshine State (HarperCollins). As one can imagine, merely based on this title, the story doesn't involve your straightforward Christmas tale, but presents black-comedy at its finest. It chronicles the high-jinks of the charismatic anti-hero psychopath Serge A. Storms, as he, like Santa, finds out who's been naughty and nice. Fans of the New York Times bestselling author will be pleased with the adventures he creates for Serge and his substance abusing sidekick Coleman, who wreck havoc on the Sunshine State during Christmas. Dorsey, a Tampa resident and former reporter/editor for the Tampa Tribune, is now the prolific author of thirteen novels, publishing a novel each year since his first book Florida Roadkill was published in 1999. His novel Electric Barracuda was published earlier this year, Elves came out in October and Pineapple Grenade will be released in January. Dorsey took a few moments to answer some questions about his work. Miami Living: What is Serge angry about now? Tim Dorsey: People claiming there's a "War on Christmas" -- using the holidays as a reason to pick a fight and be divisive. ML: What song reflects this mood? TD: The entire Charlie Brown Christmas special soundtrack. ML: Who is the nastiest bad guy in Elves? TD: That can't be answered. Florida has such a surplus of worthy targets. ML: Will you be using any particular locale? TD: A lot of malls -- something about food courts just screams Christmas. 76 MIAMI LIVING ML: What would you serve Serge and Coleman for Christmas? TD: Great side dishes make holiday meals, so it would be KFC because Serge loves their coleslaw and mashed potatoes. ML: If your books were to be made into a television program, who would you want to play Serge or Coleman? TD: The first person to sign the contract. Just make the thing. I'm over here selling freakin' hats and T-shirts on my website. That's my literary goal: to stop selling hats and T-shirts. ML: How will you celebrate Christmas with your family this year? TD: Like preparing for a hurricane: stock up on all the essentials, then stay indoors for the duration of the human storm. ML: Can you give fans a little bit of information about Pineapple Grenade? TD: Serge has an on-going love affair with Miami, and this time he returns to fulfill his dream of becoming a spy, because Miami has such a spy-rich history. And Serge must spout it all. By the way, to prepare for the book, I actually stayed downtown and took a bunch of photos of foreign consulates, trying to provoke a situation to use in the book, but there were too many weirder people around. ML: Why do you think that Florida is a great place to write mysteries? TD: There's a never-ending supply of material. In fact, it's hard to keep up and get books out before the ever-increasing level of real- life weirdness eclipses your fiction. ML: Anything else? TD: Please buy hats and T-shirts from my website. The man said "please," you cannot refuse someone who asks so nicely. Go and support this Florida-based author at timdorsey.com and his alter-ego at sergestorms.com. ML