Miami Living Magazine features the best Miami has to offer. Click on any magazine below and enjoy. You can download our free app on iTunes. Ideal for iPad and iPhone users.
Issue link: https://digital.miamilivingmagazine.com/i/1081080
As a parent, knowing how difficult certain conversations can be between parent and child, I have to ask, how do you have a conversation with your teenage daughter about some of the more explicit things in your book? In your book, you're talking about cocaine use, about threesomes and Phoenix read all of this. What does that conversation even look like? MB: It's not like I said, "Let's sit down and talk about cocaine." But Melanie, how could that stuff not come up? MB: I'm very, very open. I sit down with her and have a conversation with her in a way that's relatable and understandable. I'll let her know that if she wants to be sexually active or if she is sexually active, number one is to be safe. And if you want to experiment with a girl, or if you want to experiment with, let's say, a threesome, make sure it's consensual and make sure you actually feel safe. It is a conversation that you need to have. I'll always say to her, "Why do you want to do this?" and "If you do that, how do you think it's going to make you feel?" Because you never want to encourage your kids to go out there and try everything and anything; there's always a reason. Some kids, they don't need to try that kind of stuff. They don't need to try anything sexually, apart from just to be with one person. They may not need to try lots of drugs, even though their friends [are doing it] or they're around it. Luckily, I've got a good, solid 19-year- old that has seen a lot and been around a lot. She knows, morally, what she feels comfortable with, and her morals are solid. She isn't one of those teenagers running around, up to no good. She didn't express any disappointment, that you, her role model, fell from grace in terms of the drug use? MB: No, if anything I'm a hero that got out alive and I'm eloquent enough to be able to speak about my story without too much pain in my voice, even though there is a lot of pain. She's very proud of me. She's encouraging me to talk more about it. That is why she, along with my mother, wrote a passage in the book. Are you clean and sober today? MB: Yeah. I haven't taken a drug since the day I left him [Belafonte]. What you'll find in these abusive relationships is that the abuser is the one that provides you with all your alcohol and all your drugs. I've never had an addictive personality. I'm addicted to loving life, but that's about it. In a recent interview your daughter Phoenix gave about your marriage to Stephen, she describes walking halfway up the stairs one night and witnessing a rape in progress, and then running back downstairs to her room. MB: I've always had houses where my bedroom is at the top of the house away from the family rooms, the kids' rooms, every thing. I guess one time she snuck up[stairs] because she heard me screaming or crying. She jutted the door open a little bit and she witnessed that, which I didn't even know she'd witnessed until after I'd left him two years ago and started writing the book. She was adamant about that story going in the book. That story didn't go in the book, but it actually went into an interview that she did, and she was adamant to talk about it. I did say to her at the time, "Are you sure about that?" She said, "Well, yeah Mom, it's important, because when you're in an abusive relationship it doesn't just affect you. It affects your kids, your friends, and your family." She said, "I want to talk about it." Do you pray? And who or what do you pray to? MB: I meditate. I became a reiki master at 19. I'm all about affirmations and meditation, and just being mindful and thoughtful. I do go to church. I go to the Agape Church, which is very spiritual. I go there two or three times a month with my kids, and it's very uplifting. Why make a public declaration that Eddie Murphy is the love of your life? MB: It wasn't really a public declaration. Don't forget that when I started writing the book with my friend, there was no contract between me and my friend, there was no book publishing deal; there was nothing. I was writing it for self-healing; just-for-me kind of a thing. The more we researched, the more we learned that it didn't just happen to me. It happened to many, many women, and we realized we needed to get this story out. We decided to delve deeply into all of the issues that people don't talk about. I'm very much a source of information when it comes to coercive behavior and abuse, because I've lived it for ten years. But what was the connection to speaking about how you still feel about Eddie? MB: Oh yeah, back to that! [laughs]