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like to some extent. Let’s say you’re at a concert, standing right next to the speaker, with microphone feedback blaring, and the stage lights are shining in your eyes. People are bumping into you, spilling their drinks on you. You aren’t on drugs, and you aren’t drunk—you’re dead sober. Now imagine that you’re simultaneously trying to work or hold a conversation with someone. How would you feel? That’s what it’s like when you have Lupus. Only the severity of the stimuli required to incite that kind of reaction in your body is much, much less. It can be as little as being in front of a bright light while someone is talking. It’s like I’m trapped at that concert all the time. Sometimes I just have to leave and go home, but that doesn’t mean I don’t value you or your time. If I leave an event, that doesn’t mean I have something better to do. It’s not a value judgement on the person throwing the event. I wish society would give people more grace when they’re making decisions for themselves. That extends beyond people with chronic illness, by the way. You never know what someone else is going through, and they aren’t obligated to explain it to you. In a perfect world, I wouldn’t have to tell anyone that I have Lupus, because they would just be understanding by default. Instead, I often feel like I’m required to explain myself and apologize for my Lupus-related adjustments all the time. When I break the social contract, people want an explanation. But if we all came from a place of empathy, it would make a huge difference in our collective quality of life. ML: You’ve built a life of grace and grit alongside your feline companion, Winter Moon. In the quieter moments – away from the catwalks and the writing desk – what brings you peace, joy, or a sense of home? Caitlin: There’s nothing like the feeling of a cat choosing to sit on your lap! It’s better than any drug. Because I spend so much time at home with my cat, I’ve worked really hard to turn my house into a place I want to be, one that’s comfortable for both me and Winter Moon. I’ve been renovating for years, but I can see the finish line. Be it fashion or interior design, it is important to me that my external world is an authentic reflection of my internal world. My house is my own creation, a fantasy land, filled with all shades of purple, butterflies, soft velvet, and flowers. I can’t wait to show off the finished product. It’s not going to be everyone’s cup of tea, but that’s okay, of course. I ended up designing a lot of it myself, because I couldn’t find things that felt like “me.” It’s my home, my sacred space, and now, at last, the interior reflects that truth. Follow Caitlin on: Instagram @misscaitlincollins TikTok @misscaitlincollins