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WELLNESS circumstances is the most mature route we can take. This can be challenging when the child in us is screaming, “I don’t want this. This is not what I wanted!” People who embrace a more spiritual approach to life are more at peace. A part of us has to believe that there is a reason that things don’t always turn out the way we planned and have faith that, perhaps, there is a better plan in store for us. Psychotherapist and author David we refocus our attention on the things that we do have and embrace the good, we are able to see the beauty in each day. STAYING POSITIVE Friedrich Koenig, the 18th century German inventor, was a supporter of positive thinking, “We tend to forget that happiness doesn’t come as a result of getting something we don’t have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have.” In order to achieve happiness we must condition ourselves to see the proverbial glass as half full. The act of thinking positively every single minute of the day can be an arduous task. But as mentioned earlier, being happy is an ongoing choice, and to bring that about and hone any skill, one must feed their passion for it. If you don’t happen to be an inherently optimistic person, surround yourself by those who are. Optimistic people enrich our lives by bringing attention to the brighter side of a situation. To keep your positive momentum going, it is best that you distance yourself from those who will try to bring you down and diminish your self-worth. It is inevitable that you will encounter such people, so you must know when someone is ultimately hurting you rather than helping you. A good strong support system will help you stay positive. Inspirational quotes can also be an encouraging avenue to turn to. Hearing from those who have experienced a similar cumbersome situation and seeing how they steered through it is extremely motivating, and gives us a sense of community knowing that we’re not alone in feeling this way. SPREAD JOY When we act happy, we automatically become happier. Try it. If you find yourself feeling a bit disheartened, make an effort to “fake it till you make it.” Tell your neighbor to have a nice day or hold the door for someone else—when you are kind to others you’ll notice that they become receptive and their spirits are lifted, consequently perking up your own mood. “Research shows that people are pretty bad at predicting what will actually make them happy. They tend to think, “when I get x” or “when I achieve x” then I will be happy. The research shows that the most enduring happiness comes when you are a part of something bigger than yourself,” said Tony Hsieh, CEO of Zappos, in an article titled, “The Science of Happiness: Wisdom 2.0 Interview with Tony Hsieh.” Tony Hsieh, who has been influenced by the Science of Happiness, goes on to say that when he attained financial success with his business, he sought something more and found that treating others well was the key to happiness. Tony has adopted this philosophy in the way he conducts business and in his life. When we help others, it becomes a reward in itself. Connecting with people gives us a sense of belonging and makes our life more meaningful. We feel valuable when we’re making a positive impact on someone else’s life, which in turn makes us feel good about ourselves. It’s a cycle— the type of energy that we send out will return to us. Be kind to others and happiness is yours. As Buddha eloquently stated, “Thousands of candles can be lit from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared.” ACCEPTANCE “There is only one way to happiness and that is to cease worrying about things which are beyond the power of our will,” said Greek Stoic philosopher, Epictetus. As soon as we are able to identify that we are unable to control a situation, we can take the necessary steps to move forward and stop dwelling on the issue. You may be familiar with the prayer by American Protestant theologian Reinhold Niebuhr, “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” Being accepting of our Richo supports this concept in his book, “The Five Things We Cannot Change… and the Happiness We Find By Embracing Them,” “Saying yes to reality—to the things we cannot change—is like choosing to turn around and sit in the saddle in the direction the horse is going… Such a yes is unconditional because it is free of conditioning by the neurotic ego: fear, desire, control, judgment, complaint, expectation. When we are mindful, we meet each moment with openness, curiosity, and kindness. Mindfulness is both a state of being and a daily spiritual practice, a form of meditation.” Practicing a go-with-the-flow mentality is freeing for our soul and enables us to welcome unexpected surprises that we didn’t anticipate. Often when we look back on past situations that did not go as planned; we find that our challenges or the adversity we overcame, at times, were a blessing in disguise. Another thing that we must accept is what David Richo refers to as the “five unavoidable givens.” 1.) Everything changes and ends 2.) Things do not always go according to plan. 3.) Life is not always fair. 4.) Pain is a part of life 5.) People are not loving and loyal all the time—which when we oppose these truths we resist reality, and life then becomes an endless series of disappointment, frustrations, and sorrows… Once we learn to accept and embrace these fundamental down-to-earth facts, we come to realize that they are exactly what we need to gain courage, compassion, and wisdom—in short, to find real happiness.” The absence of life’s trials and tribulations do not allow us to grow as individuals. After overcoming a dark period or taxing situation, we walk away more empathetic, appreciative as well as more aware of all that is good in our lives. We all deserve to be happy everyday and adhering to a positive way of thinking is half the battle. We have control over our happiness; it simply takes a little mind over matter, acceptance, and kindness. Incorporate these helpful tips into your life and you too can be one of those “happy people.”ML MIAMI LIVING 75